


Already

by thewriterpoe



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 20:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17752802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterpoe/pseuds/thewriterpoe
Summary: "You loved me once, right? Do you think you could love me again?"





	Already

The bumble bees were unusually busy that afternoon, gracefully carrying their fat bodies from one Hyacinth to the other. Taemin watched them with languid interest; specks of movement breaking the stilted spring afternoon. He vaguely registered someone calling his name and only left his reverie when a square of cheese hit his nose. He turned to Kibum, unamused, with narrowed eyes. Minho was far too dignified to carry out such a prank. He couldn’t really say it was jet-lag, not when a whole week had passed since his unexpected arrival, but he couldn’t bring himself to be interested in anything either of his friends was saying.

“So, you know how growing up your best friend’s little sister is always lurking around, always wanting to get in on whatever y’all are doing and it super annoying because you kinda suspect that she kinda has a crush on you. Then you go away to college and the first time you visit is the summer holidays and holy wow little sister has grown a rack.”

Kibum was not amused by the interruption but Taemin wasn’t discouraged by the look because it meant that Kibum was now paying attention to him which was important for what he was about to say.

“I think I’m in love with Jinki.”

The silence that followed was further proof of Kibum’s attention.

“That’s wonderful!” Minho good-naturedly brokered the silence although it sounded more like a question than an exclamation. But his confusion was warranted given Taemin’s relationship history.

Kibum was less good-natured. “You play at love, Taemin. You don’t love.”

Taemin returned his gaze to the garden, squinting in an effort to spot the rapid vibration of gossamer wings.

“Don’t listen to him,” Minho, ever the mediator, said. “He has always been a cynical agitator. If you say you’re in love then you are in love.”

“Why now?” As much as Kibum liked Taemin, he really couldn’t stand how selfish he could be.

The question confused Taemin because why not now? He could admit that the timing could have been better…like when Jinki was in love with him but he couldn’t help these things.

As if to answer the second question, Kibum reminded him, “You fucked him then ghosted him for a whole year.”

Taemin bristled but he didn’t say anything.

“It took me forever to convince Jonghyun to go out with me because he didn’t want it to be awkward for Jinki, what with me being your friend. Sometimes I think he didn’t trust me to be good to him with how you completely destroyed his best friend.”

“Is this what this is about? You having a hard time landing your boyfriend?”

Sensing an escalation, Minho jumped in. “Taemin didn’t destroy Jinki,” to which Kibum rolled his eyes because of course Minho would take Taemin’s side. “- but it was a dick move,” to which Kibum gloated because of course Minho would see the right of his argument.

“I know,” Taemin admitted, pouting. “I wasn’t going to do anything. I just wanted to say it out loud.”

 

/// 

 

**Take me on a date.**

As soon as he had sent it, the two blue ticks appeared. Jinki had read the message but it was a while before he replied.

**What kind of date?**

Taemin released a long breath.

**The kind I have to shave my legs for.**

The reply was immediate. **Your whole legs or just where the rips are in your jeans.**

Taemin actually laughed out loud. It felt good that Jinki could joke around with him like that.

**Shall I surprise you?**

**I won’t hold my breath.**

Taemin sent a pouting emoji. **I clean up rather nicely, I’ll have you know.**

**Lol. I know you do. Tomorrow evening sound good to you? Say around 6p?**

**That works for me.** It actually didn’t but he would make it work.

**Cool. Let’s meet at the bookstore then.**

**Cool…oh and Jinki, could you not tell anyone about this?**

He hated doing it like this and he could tell in the minute it took Jinki to reply that Jinki was probably overthinking this – that he was embarrassed to be seen together or something of that ilk.

And he was proven right with how guarded their greeting was the next night – Jinki kept his hands inside his jacket pockets as though he was afraid to touch Taemin. It was just that he didn’t want Kibum to find out especially after promising to leave Jinki alone. 

“You look nice,” taking in the leather jacket that dressed up Taemin’s uniform of jeans and t-shirt.

“See, I do clean up well,” Taemin teased.

Jinki rolled his eyes and started walking. “It’s not as though you’re usually a gremlin.”

“Not according to Kibum.”

Jinki laughed which kind of startled Taemin. “Does he even own a pair of sweatpants?”

Taemin shrugged but Jinki couldn’t see it walking a step ahead. Taemin figured he should probably compliment Jinki as well or at least comment on the turtle neck in this weather but he didn’t get the chance. Jinki had stopped walking and was looking at him in a way that made him nervous. He really didn’t want to do this here in the middle of a busy sidewalk.

“I just wanted to say that I’m glad you reached out to me. I didn’t want this to be awkward between us and you don’t have to worry about it…I’m not in love with you anymore so we can go back to being like we were before.”

So many thoughts rushed on Taemin all at once and he felt like a cliff beaten by rough waves. He felt the beginnings of panic because for a second, he actually stopped breathing. Before what? Before he fell in love with him – because Taemin wouldn’t have even known that Jinki was in love with him if it wasn’t for Jonghyun. Before they fucked and how awful he was for just letting Jinki love without giving anything in return?

“Also, I wanted to give this back to you,” Jinki continued.

It was his Hufflepuff scarf. He thought he had lost it but it turns out he had forgotten to take it with him when he slinked out of Jinki’s apartment in the awful hours of the morning after.

“Dude, it’s fucking summer. What do I need that for?” Taemin replied pushing it back Jinki.

“It’s yours,” Jinki insisted. And maybe Taemin could understand why Jinki wouldn’t want to keep it with how it had been used to restrain his hands that night but he didn’t like that it felt like Jinki had already moved on when he was just getting into his feelings.

 

/// 

 

The words on the page weren’t making any sense to Taemin. Of course, it didn’t help that at a balmy eighty degrees, half his face was wrapped in a wool scarf and every now and then, he’d inhale the remnants of Jinki’s scent. It had been shocking at first, when Jinki returned it to him but it wonderful what a good night’s sleep could do and now even though he shouldn’t have, he couldn’t help feeling encouraged by the fact that Jinki had kept it all that time.

“So, Jinki and Jonghyun are really close,” Taemin stated out of the blue. It hadn’t bothered him before when he didn’t want Jinki that they were always checking in on each other but now he couldn’t help but wonder if Jonghyun was the reason Jinki didn’t love him anymore which would suck for Kibum because Kibum could be so naggy sometimes and who would stay with that?

The way he said it didn’t sit well Kibum who was doing a very good impression of solving their study prep questions.

“They haven’t…you know…fucked each other?” Surely, he wasn’t the only one who wondered about that.

Maybe it was the snap of the pencil in Kibum’s hand or the utter disbelief on Minho’s face or both but Taemin sensed he went too far. Sure, he was pissed about finding out through Snapchat that Kibum didn’t invite him to karaoke the other night because Jinki was there but Jonghyun was a line he knew not to cross.

“I wouldn’t know,” Kibum gritted out, held back from committing murder by the fact that they were in a coffee shop. “And even if they did, it wouldn’t matter because Jonghyun is with me now.”

“Yeah but what if Jinki’s in love with Jonghyun?”

Kibum looked up at Taemin with an odd sort of smile – half smug, half serial killer. “Who wouldn’t be in love with Jonghyun?”

“I’m not in love with Jonghyun. I’m in love with Jinki.”

And before Kibum could insist for the thirtieth time that Taemin doesn’t love, only plays at love, Minho injected, perhaps not to be excluded from the conversation, that while Jonghyun was totally lovable he too was not in love with him because Kibum was his friend and that wouldn’t be cool. He also added, for what it was worth, that he didn’t think Jinki was in love with Jonghyun.

It seemed to work; Kibum’s face returned to normal as he focused again on the study prep.

“Jinki told me that things shouldn’t be awkward between us because he doesn’t love me anymore,” Taemin pouted. “Just like that. Not in love with me anymore.”

Kibum frowned but remained altogether sympathetic. He knew Taemin wasn’t good with feelings or words about feelings so when he was being bratty, it was he way processing. “It will pass.”

“You keep saying that but what the fuck about this?” Taemin snapped, his right hand stretched out, a wilted yellow petal on the palm of his hand.

Kibum’s eyes were a big as Minho’s – and that was saying something.

“Taemin, the fuck?”

“When did this happen?”

Taemin shrugged, answering as if it wasn’t a big deal, “The flowers came two weeks ago but the internet said that it takes months for the roots to establish so maybe two months after I’d left.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to anyone? To Jinki?”

“What was I supposed to say? ‘oh hey, turns out I like you even though I totally lead you on that night we fucked knowing full well what it meant to you.’ I thought it was just a sex thing until I woke up in the middle of the night, throwing up petals.”

“You need to schedule the surgery.”

“Whoa!” Minho interjected. “Why can’t he just tell Jinki how he feels? Who knows? Jinki loved him once he could love him again.”

“One,” Kibum responded a little too aggressively, “Jinki just told him that he didn’t love him anymore and two, the fact that he has hanahaki proves that Jinki doesn’t love him.”

Minho looked ready for a fight but Taemin unceremoniously rose from his seat, scrapping the floor loudly.

“Where are you going?” Kibum demanded, knowing how impulse Taemin could be.

“For a walk,” Taemin replied coolly, securing the scarf around his neck.

“Taemin -”

“Don’t, Kibum. Just don’t.”

“Before you start,” Kibum headed Minho off as they watched Taemin hail a taxi.

But Minho had already started, “What the fuck was that, Kibum?”

“You know how Jinki’s always wearing turtle necks event though it’s hotter than Hades?”

How could he not? Kibum griped about it every opportunity he got...although not as much lately.

“What has that to do with this?” While he was amenable to seeing where this was going, Minho still had his arms crossed over his chest.

“It’s to cover the scar. Jinki had hanahaki.”

“Had?” Minho asked, still processing what he had heard. “That means he had the surgery.”

“It’s not like he had a choice. His mother come home one night to find him lying unconscious in a pool of blood and vomit. They had to perform emergency surgery to remove the flowers growing all along his respiratory tract. If it wasn’t for that, the idiot was just going to continue with it and die.”

“Why didn’t you tell Taemin?”

Kibum wondered that as well. On one hand, he honestly didn’t think Taemin was serious about Jinki but if he was to be truly honest, he didn’t think Taemin deserved Jinki. On the other hand, what good would it do? It would only serve to make Taemin feel worse than he already was. But what if like Jinki, Taemin was willing to let this thing kill him?


End file.
